Being There

I have this thing with numbers. I call it a thing, because I don't know exactly what it is, but they have a way of sticking in my brain and that way creates memories that seem like yesterday when they are really over a decade in the past.

Sometimes, I sit back and I take a deep breath and think was it really me, or just some kid I read about? I remember everything, but the memories do not have a first hand familiarity because we have grown so much without the people that occupy those memories. That is not to say we have not grown because of them.

I remember looking down at the ground and counting 14 grass squares. These squares covered the plot where my grandmother was buried. Before the squares were laid, I remember she passed away at 5:47pm, but her death certificate said 5:49pm. After the squares I remember the eight words the family chose for her tombstone. There were 17 steps that led up to the #2 apartment where the same numbers that read 728 were in front of the building.

I am her third grandchild, after George and Timothy, before Eric and De Johnette.

More than anything, I remember April 7,2000. I asked her for 10 dollars to get a shirt for a Sadie Hawkins dance that no girl asked me to. I took out the trash and she said, "maybe". I ran to the store, and she said "no". I laughed until she let me get all the way to the bottom of the stairs and on my way home. She called me back and handed me the 10 dollars and the next time I saw her she was in a coma. The time I saw her after that, the priest took a rose from her spread and placed a rose in her hand and it made everything peaceful for the moment.

And the peace from within has grown past that moment into a lifestyle. I have more to say, but I have even more to do. Walk in peace and love yall.

"If we had not loved each other, none of us would have survived." - James Baldwin from The Fire Next Time