The Power of No

Most people recognize when it is time to say "no" and push in another direction. However, we have more faith in things turning out positive when there are no signs they will based on what has already happened. I like the Lakers because they rep L.A. in a positive way and there is no way anyone can deny Kobe Bryant is a Jordanesque player, but I think everyone would agree with me when I say modeling in all white is not his thing.

I'm sure everyone involved had good intentions, but when they handed Kobe his wardrobe I'm sure he knew he shouldn't put it on, but he was feeling experimental. After the clothes were off the hanger and on Kobe's body, I can't see how he thought images of his wearing those ridiculous clothes could have a positive outcome. If you ask me, he looked like Ted from Curious George.

Next, what was this man thinking when he walked out the dressing room and let everyone on the set see him in his new get up?

My point is, when you see a disaster coming, why roll with the negative results we know are on the way.

Don't be like Kobe and roll with the punches knowing it will not produce positive results.

Whether you are in a relationship, at a job, or at a specific place in your life that is not going in a positive direction, realize the power of no although Kobe didn't.

Make a U-Turn and keep it pushing.

Aint No Maybe

"Tyler, maybe it's not in the stars for you to write."

It seems, the more listening I do, the less writing I do. It seems, the more talking I do, the less writing I do. It seems, the more thinking I do, the less writing I do. And, the more writing I do, the better I AM.

I can tell someone's intentions by their tone and what they think they stand to gain from me or the situation we share. The person that said it might not be in the stars for me to write didn't mean to discourage my goal, they were in their own way trying to give me a reality check. I think the reality we lose is we don't have to make a choice between building a life and realizing a dream.

I just can't look at someone, especially my children and tell them anything is possible without realizing my own dream on some level.

God created the stars and they ain't never spelled out a message of what I can't do.

Note to self: Don't listen, don't think, don't talk, just write. One day it'll all make sense.

Hands Go Down

The young man asked, "How many of you are having problems forgiving your father?" Next, a few hands went up across the auditorium. The young man then asked, "How many of you are having problems forgiving the last person you were in a relationship with?" and more hands went up across the auditorium. The young man said God showed him, His face was trying to show itself and was pushing through the ceiling of the auditorium but unforgiveness on people's hearts was not allowing God to manifest Himself in their lives.

People across the auditorium said "Amen" and "Hallelujah". However, the room grew silent and the hands fell to the sides of the folks that raised them when the young man asked, "How many of you are having problems forgiving the person that molested you?"

I was blessed as a child to not be a victim of molestation, and that led to the blessing of never having to deal with the psychological effects of molestation as an adult. As frightening as it sounds, the truth is, far too many people's first sexual experience is forced while they have very little, if any knowledge of what sex is.

When someone's sexual experience is forced their will is taken away and they are left to navigate through life with the uncertainty of their sexual status. They are left with the shame of being molested and if they tell their families, they often deal with the misplaced guilt that the molestation took place at all. Questions arise in their mind about, the definition of love and if they experienced it with the person molesting them. Issues concerning the status of their virginity or spiritual level come into play when they read the Bible and we are instructed to not have sex until we are married.

And while it is never the victims fault when it comes to molestation, it is difficult to accept a genuine answer that is perceived as generic.

The young man also asked, "How many of you are having problems forgiving yourselves?" While I have never been molested, I have experienced what I call self grudging. I challenged God to show Himself and when He didn't, I thought He wasn't as powerful as He had already shown Himself to be. Eventually there had to come a day when I gave that burden to God and chose to never allow myself back into that spiritual realm.

As hard as it may seem for a victim of molestation to be reintroduced to love and sex when they are married, it is possible with God's power. God's hand has never forced or hurt anyone. God's hand has never molested anyone and while the free will of people is stolen through the act of molestation, they are renewed when they line their will up with the will of God. To know that God the Father would never hurt us is priceless.

What you thought to be impossible is on its way to manifestation.

My Brother

It's my brother's birthday and we are going to celebrate. I hope our kids are born around the same time.

I Remember

I remember when my mother told me she was pregnant. I remember wanting a little brother. I remember getting a little sister instead. I remember my sister's first day of school and realizing I would have to guide her through places I had been in my life the same way my brother guided me. I remember my Grandpa singing Blessed Assurance at my great-grandmother's funeral. He was larger than life that day. I remember my aunts taking my brother and I to Disneyland and our first Lakers game. I remember the first time I entered the FaithDome.

I remember watching Nelson Mandela's release from prison. I remember learning I was Black at my new school. The student's numbers were organized alphabetically. I was number 29 out of 30 students. Zachary was last, he was White. I remember Black students leaving the school as tuition climbed every year. I remember my father reminding us to turn off lights to save money. I remember the nerdy strap that kept my glasses on during flag football. I remember when I finally cut my flat top. I remember my brother reaching varsity basketball. I remember Benson, Matt, and myself being the only Black males to graduate. I remember Boyz N The Hood.

I remember learning public school wasn't so bad after all. I remember preparing for the divorce. I remember knowing it could work out, but it would not. I remember the divorce. I remember my sister being young and unsure. I remember my brother and I believing in each other without my mother's orders. I remember my mother considering my great grandmother's feelings more than her own when my grandmother had a massive stroke. I remember them both crying. I remember the rain during the funeral and wheeling my great grandmother to kiss her only daughter goodbye. I remember going to chemotherapy with my paternal grandmother the very next year. I remember my grandmother's two rounds of radiation. I remember her last mother's day. I will never forget when my aunt asked my grandfather, "what do we do now?" after my grandmother died, and he replied "we believe God!" My grandfather was larger than life again that day. He is a great man.

I remember being reintroduced to my family and realizing who I was and where I came from. I love them all, because for the most part we are growing together.

I remember ditching school. I remember barely graduating from high school. I remember learning to start over at the junior college. I remember learning to accept help. I remember how our faith raised the money for my tuition when I finally transferred to a four year university. I remember being greeted with the odds of my graduation taking place. I remember graduating in the heat of the Northridge sun. I remember my mother wearing yellow so I didn't have to look for her. I remember looking for my grandfather and finding him and the pride he had in belonging to me.

I remember the words "presidential exploratory committee". I remember my communities pessimism. I remember my efforts to help make history. I remember super Tuesday, Rev. Wright, and racist jabs. I remember CNN announcing Barack Obama had been elected president of the United States of America. I remember Yes We Can! I remember we can all be great if we make that choice.

I remember wondering why my sister would want to go to school in Tennessee instead of California. I remember God telling us she is almost a grown woman.

I remember the way my mother danced at her 50th birthday party. She never had the chance to be a little girl, but nice to see as a woman she gives all her cares to God. I remember my mother establishing our team and losing a member on Christmas.

I remember God keeping all of His promises. I remember my flaws and my triumphs. I remember when I was scared and when I stood up. I remember laughing to fit in and crying because I was so happy. I remember drifting and now I know I am very present. I remember when God gave me Fork and I tried to give it back. I remember God being merciful and giving me an understanding of why it needed to happen now. I remember God showing me the face of my unborn son Moses. I remember all of these things and more. At the end of the day, I remember my life and how great it is. I have a great family, we serve a great God, and we have a great future ahead of us.

My family is not my family because of our blood connection, but because of how we recognize a need in the lives of each other and work to fix it. There are many of you that are not mentioned in this blog, but know the people that are and that makes us family.

If you remember one thing, it is that the joy of the Lord is our strength and without faith it is impossible to please God.

God, thank you for my life.

Pick Me! Pick Me!

Today at church we were asked to commit to our pastor's vision. The men of the church were asked to stand and be seen, if they were on board and committed to what God put on his heart to lead the church. While I stood there I started to think about elementary school and how I hated for the teacher to call on me. I rarely raised my hand and shouted, "Pick me! Pick me!". I recognized that fear operating on many levels is what keeps people from volunteering when life offers opportunities. When I recognized the absence of that feeling, I remembered the child I was didn't raise his hand in class because on top of being fearful of being wrong, I was often unprepared. God was telling me my preparation and development of my faith was up to me. God said when He calls me to raise my hand, I am going to be right because my words will be inspired by Him and the absence of my flesh.

You Are What You Seek

Today I realized that I know the pay off for the things I seek. When the things I seek are vain, the pay off is vain and as temporary as the scent of dinner in a kitchen. The smell doesn't last for more than a night and when it's gone all you can do is reminisce about what you had. When money is my motivation, I get money. However, there is a limit to things money can buy and I don't want my value calculated in dollars and cents. I want to be a man of character and substance and knowledge and wisdom.

God told me, all the goals I set will be accomplished if I go at it 100% through him. Folks, I have a April 1st deadline for a screenplay contest I am entering. I look forward to sharing the good news with you.

Shout out to Geoffrey Fletcher on his historic Oscar win for "Precious".