I Remember

I remember when my mother told me she was pregnant. I remember wanting a little brother. I remember getting a little sister instead. I remember my sister's first day of school and realizing I would have to guide her through places I had been in my life the same way my brother guided me. I remember my Grandpa singing Blessed Assurance at my great-grandmother's funeral. He was larger than life that day. I remember my aunts taking my brother and I to Disneyland and our first Lakers game. I remember the first time I entered the FaithDome.

I remember watching Nelson Mandela's release from prison. I remember learning I was Black at my new school. The student's numbers were organized alphabetically. I was number 29 out of 30 students. Zachary was last, he was White. I remember Black students leaving the school as tuition climbed every year. I remember my father reminding us to turn off lights to save money. I remember the nerdy strap that kept my glasses on during flag football. I remember when I finally cut my flat top. I remember my brother reaching varsity basketball. I remember Benson, Matt, and myself being the only Black males to graduate. I remember Boyz N The Hood.

I remember learning public school wasn't so bad after all. I remember preparing for the divorce. I remember knowing it could work out, but it would not. I remember the divorce. I remember my sister being young and unsure. I remember my brother and I believing in each other without my mother's orders. I remember my mother considering my great grandmother's feelings more than her own when my grandmother had a massive stroke. I remember them both crying. I remember the rain during the funeral and wheeling my great grandmother to kiss her only daughter goodbye. I remember going to chemotherapy with my paternal grandmother the very next year. I remember my grandmother's two rounds of radiation. I remember her last mother's day. I will never forget when my aunt asked my grandfather, "what do we do now?" after my grandmother died, and he replied "we believe God!" My grandfather was larger than life again that day. He is a great man.

I remember being reintroduced to my family and realizing who I was and where I came from. I love them all, because for the most part we are growing together.

I remember ditching school. I remember barely graduating from high school. I remember learning to start over at the junior college. I remember learning to accept help. I remember how our faith raised the money for my tuition when I finally transferred to a four year university. I remember being greeted with the odds of my graduation taking place. I remember graduating in the heat of the Northridge sun. I remember my mother wearing yellow so I didn't have to look for her. I remember looking for my grandfather and finding him and the pride he had in belonging to me.

I remember the words "presidential exploratory committee". I remember my communities pessimism. I remember my efforts to help make history. I remember super Tuesday, Rev. Wright, and racist jabs. I remember CNN announcing Barack Obama had been elected president of the United States of America. I remember Yes We Can! I remember we can all be great if we make that choice.

I remember wondering why my sister would want to go to school in Tennessee instead of California. I remember God telling us she is almost a grown woman.

I remember the way my mother danced at her 50th birthday party. She never had the chance to be a little girl, but nice to see as a woman she gives all her cares to God. I remember my mother establishing our team and losing a member on Christmas.

I remember God keeping all of His promises. I remember my flaws and my triumphs. I remember when I was scared and when I stood up. I remember laughing to fit in and crying because I was so happy. I remember drifting and now I know I am very present. I remember when God gave me Fork and I tried to give it back. I remember God being merciful and giving me an understanding of why it needed to happen now. I remember God showing me the face of my unborn son Moses. I remember all of these things and more. At the end of the day, I remember my life and how great it is. I have a great family, we serve a great God, and we have a great future ahead of us.

My family is not my family because of our blood connection, but because of how we recognize a need in the lives of each other and work to fix it. There are many of you that are not mentioned in this blog, but know the people that are and that makes us family.

If you remember one thing, it is that the joy of the Lord is our strength and without faith it is impossible to please God.

God, thank you for my life.